Fostering Positive Behavior

Written By Erin D

Strategies and Solutions for Parents and Caregivers

Some Common Challenging Behaviors

  • Poor frustration tolerance

  • Difficulty managing emotions

  • Arguing

  • Negotiating

  • Being disrespectful to authority figures

  • Challenges maintaining friendships

  • Sibling conflict

  • Appearing selfish/self-absorbed

  • Meltdowns

  • Anxiety

  • Appearing controlling or bossy

  • Excessive/restricted interest in electronics

What is the Ultimate Goal? You want to raise a child who learns:

  • Self-discipline

  • Ability to take responsibility

  • Effective problem solving

  • Persistence

What are some things Parents an do to promote a positive and peaceful relationship?

Establish consistent routines and expectations.

  • Predictable daily routines

  • Allow enough time to complete routines

  • If needed, use a whiteboard or checklist approach

  • Give your child a five-minute “heads up” to aid transitions

  • Remind your child that these routines are to help everyone stay calm and happy

  • Post “family promises”-give your child a sense of community versus individuality

    Avoid Power Struggles

  • Present the expectation in a firm, yet calm manner

  • Use a matter-of-fact tone, and don’t repeat yourself too many times

  • Provide choices that are under your direction and control

  • Ignore when necessary-it is okay not to engage at times

  • You do not need to engage in every argument presented to you

  • Pause, and then pause again-avoid a reactive response

  • Walk away if you need to

  • When it becomes about you “winning,” you have lost the “battle”

    Eliminate “Can you?” and “Will you?”

  • If there is no choice or option, do not give one

  • Instead of “will you come to the bathroom/table?,” use “It’s time for your bath/dinner now. Thank you.”

  • Use “first/then” language

  • Don’t negotiate for non-negotiable expectations

  • Give specific and positive feedback

  • Don’t use too much language-wait for a response

  • Model the expectation and help your child get started

  • Avoid bribes and threats

  • Bribe: “If you do ( ), you get ( ).”

  • Threat: “If you don’t ( ), you lose ( ).”

    Teach Replacement Behaviors

  • Reflection: How many times in a day do you say, “No” or “Stop it” or “Don’t” to your child?

  • VITAL to pair a “no” with a “yes”

  • Take time to demonstrate and practice the “right way” to behave

  • Encourage your child to accept your corrective feedback. “It’s my job to help you learn.”

  • Children cannot just “figure it out”

  • Focus attention on positive behavior

  • Be specific with your expectation

  • Be specific with your positive feedback. Avoid “good job, good boy/girl”

  • Help your child own their successes: “Wow! What did you just do?”

    The Dangers of Over Scheduling

  • Children are becoming increasingly anxious, irritable and exhausted

  • So are parents!

  • Too many extra-curricular activities can overstimulate and create hectic energy, ineffective sleep patterns, poor nutrition, lack of quality family time, and excess focus on achievements versus character.

    Encourage Independence

  • Children have a need for mastery

  • Those that are allowed opportunities to do more for themselves will be less likely to exhibit oppositional behavior

  • Let them dress, bathe and feed themselves, pack and carry their backpacks, do simple chores and keep their room tidy.

    Beth Aune, OT/L

Erin D